I Didn’t Ask to Be a Cancer Mom, but Here I Am
By Ida Maresca Passaro
My son 5-year-old son, Rocco, was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia in June 2021. When we told him the news, he said he was sad but wanted to get better so he could donate his blood to help other people.
That is Rocco. Selfless, kind, and compassionate.
I didn’t ask to be a cancer mom, but there it was, and just like moms do, I had to push forward, even when I didn’t think I could handle it anymore.
Cancer doesn’t just affect the person whose body it invades; it affects the whole family. Rocco’s diagnosis affected us mentally, spiritually, and everything down to our schedules. No matter what anyone tells you, there are ALWAYS surprises when it comes to childhood cancer.
When my son was first diagnosed, I struggled with wanting to be everything for everyone and knowing it was impossible. As a wife, mother, and teacher, each area of my life needed to be cut back. I had to sacrifice time in these areas to focus on Rocco and his game plan.
There were so many questions I asked myself.
Should I quit my job?
I considered this multiple times. Being a teacher was always a dream of mine, and giving up on that dream was not an option for me. So, I worked things out with my job and was able to be a cancer mom AND teacher. It’s not exactly the double duty I had envisioned for myself. I knew I was lucky to have the opportunity to keep my job, but I often thought, “is this worth it?”
Am I spending enough time with my other kids?
I never wanted my other children to think I was choosing Rocco over them, so we always sat and discussed everything as a family. We talked about any time there was a new treatment plan or the possibility of hospital admission. Even though they understand, I will forever hold on to the guilt that I missed things that were important to them. This is the sacrifice we make as parents.
I’m still trying to find the balance, and I often feel like I’m in the middle of a tug of war.
If this is you, my best tip is to be grateful and show yourself grace. I start my mornings with gratitude, no matter where we are. I always find three things I am thankful for, which help put things into perspective. I do my best to prioritize what is important for my family, not what everyone else wants to be important. Then we divide and conquer as a family. And when things still don’t work out or get done (because they won’t), I remind myself that I am only human and there are only so many hours in the day. If my family is happy, safe, and fulfilled, I have done my job, and everything else can wait.
While I would never change the choices I made to be there for my child, I miss the things I didn’t get to be present for.
I missed date night with my husband, as we had to work opposite schedules to keep our jobs and be with Rocco when he needed us. I had to make arrangements at work to be able to leave to take Rocco to chemo. I had to miss volleyball practice, soccer games, school field trips, class parties, and celebrating the little things with my other children. Not to mention the self-sacrifice that I have endured during this process.
But even with all of that, I would do it again. I am blessed with getting to know Rocco inside and out better than anyone else. This is something I will forever treasure. And as he continues his treatment, I will continue to do what I need to because I am his mom.
Rocco is one of five 2022 St. Baldrick’s Ambassadors. While his story has just begun, Rocco has already been an inspiration of hope with his big smile and his relentless optimism that he is going to be just fine. Help Give Kids Like Rocco A Lifetime.
