Dear 8-Year-Old Me

Brady smiling and already Penn State proud. (All photos provided by author)

By Brady Lucas

Dear Brady,

Today has been a hard day and I am sure you do not know what to think. You have doctors and nurses coming in and out of your room taking blood and running tests. People called Child Life Specialists, Music Therapists, Social Workers, and Registered Dieticians sharing information with you, your parents, and siblings. You have to learn how to swallow pills and take other medications. You have to be away from your brothers and friends sleeping in a hospital bed. You wish you were in school with your friends.

Cancer is not something easy to understand, especially words like leukemia, bone marrow, white blood cells, and platelets. Remember today is only a moment of time. Some things in life do not make sense at the time, but I am here writing as your 27-year-old self (18.5 years later) letting you know there will be many ups and downs in life, but everything will be okay.

Brady in the hospital.

You will be diagnosed with high-risk acute lymphoblastic leukemia twice. You will turn the diagnoses into an inspiration to advocate for psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual health through sharing your story with thousands of people across the world.

You will have many psychological traumas and struggle planning ahead and committing due to constant fear of ending up in the hospital. You will also deal with survivor’s guilt as you will see friends die from cancer. Through seeing a psychologist and working through traumas, you will find balance and the ability to cope with all your emotions.

You will be diagnosed with physical long-term side effects such as liver fibrosis, esophageal varices, portal hypertension, hypersplenism, leukopenia, and thrombocytopenia, but you will use these long-term experiences to discover the importance of nutrition, exercise, and sleep for cancer thrivers.

You will get severely sick with mucositis, but you will see Jesus in a dream rocking you back and forth. This moment will change your spirituality and relationship with God forever.

You will miss the rest of your 3rd grade school year, 90 days in 4th grade, 30 days in 5th grade, most of 9th grade, and a large portion of 10th grade, but you will graduate high school, and receive a Bachelors and Masters Degree from Penn State.

Brady on graduation day.

You will be given a 30–50% chance of living after your second diagnosis, but your younger brother will save your life by donating his bone marrow and you will become the first child to ever receive a bone marrow transplant without radiation.

You will empower children to be a part of their own health experiences through publishing the picturebook written for children, Smiley’s Smile. This book uses your own cancer diagnoses to educate children on cancer and show the importance of friendship, courage, and support. This book will open opportunities for you to educate children on cancer.

You will develop avascular necrosis and have bones in both of your ankles completely collapse. You will go from crawling from place to place, being wheelchair bound, and spending 6 months rehabilitating teaching yourself to walk again to running two half marathons and standing on your feet for 46 hours participating in the Penn State Dance Marathon (THON).

Brady posing with his published book, “Smiley’s Smile.”

You will have friends come and go, but a core group that sticks with you through the good and bad. These friends will be friends who will be groomsmen in your wedding and those who you can go to for anything.

I want you to know a childhood cancer experience is not over after a bell is rung or treatment has finished, it is a lifelong journey. Thriving takes time, energy, work, and dedication, but you have the ability to commit to thriving. To thrive, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health must all be focused on. The story you will write has many chapters with many different twists and turns. You will feel like you have to stay positive in every situation, although sometimes things will just not be okay. Allow yourself to not be okay and address all the feelings you have in those moments. You will put pressure on yourself to do remarkable things, but keep in mind every morning waking up is remarkable. There are miracles and blessings in every breath.

During Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, you are saving smiles. For all the children, siblings, parents, friends, doctors, nurses, community members and the list goes on, who experience a cancer diagnosis, you are using your smile to change the world.

Brady on his wedding day.

Some days smiles are easier than others, but those days when smiles are hard to find are often the days when they are needed the most. Your smile can change someone’s life.In the end, use your smile to guide the way and change the world. Your smile will be the biggest when you meet the absolute love of your life (who happens to be a nurse) and get the chance to marry her in front of your friends, family, and loved ones. Moments like these are why despite the pain you will go through, life is beautiful.

Smiles make the world go round,

Brady

What would you tell your younger self? Share in the comments.

The St. Baldrick’s Foundation is on a mission to Conquer Kids’ Cancer. Learn more at StBaldricks.org.